Celebrity To Do List: Simon Cowell

His new show "X Factor" isn't the only thing keeping him busy these day.  Let's check the Celebrity To Do List of Simon Cowell.

 --8:00 A.M.:  Wake up from horrible dream world ran out of skin-tight T-shirts.

 --8:30 A.M.:  Breakfast with Coke logo cups, plates, napkins, utensils, tablecloths . . . you get the idea.

 --9:00 A.M.:  Tell housekeeper she's performing like "absolute rubbish."

 --9:05 A.M.:  Admire self in mirror.  Repeat every five minutes for rest of day.

 --10:00 A.M.:  Go shopping for new T-shirts at Baby Gap.

 --10:30 A.M.:  Try to figure out how I can make $100 million a year and still not be able to afford any adult-sized T-shirts.

 --10:45 A.M.:  Flip through newspaper.  Find everything uninteresting.  Freeze expression for rest of day.

--11:00 A.M.:  Smile when girlfriend once again buys the whole "You're the only one, but I'm just not the marrying type" line.

 --12:00 P.M.:  Lunch with "American Idol" superstars:  Carrie Underwood and . . . uh, yeah.

 --1:10 P.M.:  Give God remarkable feedback for creating me.

 --3:00 P.M.:  Pick up laundry at cleaners.  Complain that shirts WEREN'T shrunk.

 --5:00 P.M.:  Continue to ignore the fact that "pitchy" is a made-up word used by dumb people to mask the fact they don't know anything about music.

 --7:00 P.M.: Dinner with Jane Lynch to swap tips on insulting the weak.

--8:15 P.M.:  Call up Clay Aiken for "girl talk."

 --9:00 P.M.:  Turn on radio.  Wonder who's responsible for all this crappy music.  Oh yeah, me.

 --11:00 P.M.:  Bedtime.  Thank God for all the wonderful things he's given the world.  Like me.  And also, me.