5 top text of the week!  Did yours make the cut? 

1. This guy smells like Mr. Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it.  7410 

2. My taxi driver was listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook, the 20 minute ride to the bar was very uncomfortable. 9100

3. There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar.  Tank a hint, Android Network.  4897 

4. Would this work?  The new hot neighbor boy is moving across from us.  So I did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs and walked right by him.  Consider the line hooked and ready to reel. 5897

5.  Can you please stop playing Daughtry?  Sincerely everyone ever. :) 3335