« Parenting

Stay-At-Home Moms: Beware the Husband-Guilt Factor

by Corey Carter

My wife and I are blessed enough to be able to have her stay at home with our 3 kids, twins boys (pictured) who are 20 months and our 3 1/2 year old daughter.  We are very happy that we are able to do this. 

It hit me this weekend - as I was trying to think about the last time I had any "me" time...and couldn't remember.  It was before my sons were born and probably at-least 2 months prior to that (as the last 2 months of my wife's pregnancy were extremely hard on her.)

Knowing that my wife hardly EVER gets any time for herself, she does go out occasionally with a friend for a walk, shopping, a get-together of some sort.  I actually wish she went more, because it's her only time "away."  I 100% support and will NEVER say "no" if she asks me to watch the kids while she gets some away time. 

Working full-time, I get 8-10hrs of "away" time every day.  However, every moment that I'm "away", I'm working (except for the hour lunch-break I get to go to the YMCA and work out.)  

My problem is - I never ask for (or would ever expect) any "away" time, since I'm "away" each day.  This means I have done NOTHING social with "just my friends" in the past 22 months.  Actually, it's not a problem, it's just my life.  I'm not upset about it.  In fact, this is the first time that I've ever even thought about it like that....should I be upset???  

As far as my lack of social activities, I only say that because now that it's Summer, we have multiple friends/relatives that are in similar situations as ours (2+ young kids), but the Husband/Dad's are constantly going away on golf tournaments, softball leagues...etc....

My wife and I were thinking about this and we both agreed that there is no way that I would even consider doing this, because I'd feel TOO GUILTY.  I mean, my wife has to stay home with the kids EVERY DAY, on my days off, how would it be fair to make her stay home with the kids on those days too?   Even if my wife said it was "ok" for me to go anywhere (I don't even ask - again - I just don't think it would be fair) I would feel too guilty to enjoy any of the time anyway.  

However, we'd probably feel different if my wife worked, since if that was the case, then she wouldn't be with the kids each and every day.  

It's an interesting thing to think about, especially if there are any soon-to-be-mothers who are considering staying home.  My advice would be just to have an open and honest conversation with your wife/husband about this before moving forward with any plans.