Deep Thoughts with Jake Kelly x959 blog Deep Thoughts with Jake Kelly

  • Do you agree? Things women should stop doing by 30.

    Posted by Jake Kelly

    List of things that women should stop doing at the age of 30! 

    Do you agree?  Comment below!

     

    1

     

    I want you to add or subtract to this list

    • buying clothes from the junior section

    • forgetting their parents birthdays

    • making out with female best friends at bars for attention

    • making out with your boyfriends at bars

    • filling your bed with stuffed animals

    • carrying a torch for someone they haven't seen in the last 5 years

    • declaring an entire gender jerks

    • crushing on Justin Bieber

    • calling her father daddy 

     

  • What did you do when you found out he was cheating?

    Posted by Jake Kelly

    1

     

     

    What did you do when you found out he was cheating? 

    I ask this becasue there is this story of a hollywood woman that was given $3,000 bond after police say she dipped her hand in pink paint and left a palm print on the front seat of her ex-boyfriend's car.

     

    So what did you do!  Comment below! 

  • MUST READ! How to be a good housewife in the 50's! This really happened!!!

    Posted by Jake Kelly

    How to Be a Good Housewife


    Taken from a 1950's American High School Home Economics textbook, the essay is entitled "How to be a Good Wife." It reads in part:

    Have dinner ready. Prepare yourself. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. Clear away the clutter -- run a dust cloth over the tables.

    Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces, comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are God's creatures and he would like to see them playing the part.

    Minimize all noise…eliminate the noise of the washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

    Some Don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice.

    Listen to him: You may have dozens of things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first. Make the evening his. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or other pleasant entertainments.

  • You won't believe how much these celebrities make per tweet!

    Posted by Jake Kelly

     

    These celebs make bank for every TWEET!  It's tough being a celebrity

     

     

    Kim Kardashian makes $10,000 per tweet

     

    1

     

    The curvaceous socialite makes big bank for sending a single tweet to her 7+ million following of minions. Those tweets that end with the little "(ad)" at the end are paid advertisements and pull $10,000 a pop. The kicker? I'll bet you double that she doesn't even touch those tweets; her handlers do.

    Paris Hilton make a million dollars every club appereance!

     

     

    1

    E! reality show star and wife of LA Laker Lamar Odom, Khloe Kardashian is tweeting for money just like her big sis.  This Kardashian has 1,069,105 followers, which turns into only $1,359.60 per sponsored tweet

     

     

    1

    Snooki  $7,800 per tweet

    Twitter: @sn00ki
    Number of followers: 3.7 million

     

     

    1

    Lindsay Lohan: $3,500 per tweet
    Twitter: @lindsaylohan
    Number of followers: 2.6 million

     

     

     

    1

    Charlie Sheen: $9,500 per tweet

    Twitter: @charliesheen
    Number of followers: 5.2 million

  • Women don't like beards? Is this true?

    Posted by Jake Kelly

     1

    Women Don’t like beards?!?!?

     Men were rated more highly when they shaved their beards off, a study found.

    Being bearded also made them seem older and more aggressive.

     Science gives us various theories as to why men are able to grow beards, from protecting the delicate facial skin from sunlight to buffering blows to the jaw in a fight.

    It is even suggested that a beard is a sign of a strong immune system.  The theory goes that disease-carrying parasites thrive in body hair and so if a man can sport a beard without getting ill, he must be extra healthy.

    Women are supposed to be drawn to strong, healthy men!  So why no beard?

     

    Is this true ladies?

  • haha! A-hole cat!

    Posted by Jake Kelly

    Check out the video below of this A-hole cat!

     

    1

     

     

  • Wanna know the Most Requested Hollywood Body Parts? This Hollywood Plastic Surgeon will tell ya!

    Posted by Jake Kelly

     

    1

    Dr. Paul Nassif, one of the most successful plastic surgeons in Tinsletown.  Can’t divulge which A-listers he’s personally worked on, but he can give us the scoop on which celebrity body parts have been the most requested this year

     

    the most wanted face right now is definitely Megan Fox. Years ago, it was Grace Kelly, she had the most perfect features. In the ‘90’s it was Ashley Judd, then it became Angelina Jolie. These days, the person everyone wants to look like is Megan Fox.”

     

    1

    In particular, patients love Megan’s full pout., Megan lips are little smaller and more realistic looking.

     

    When it comes to noses, wishes vary by the patients’ ethnicities. “For Hispanic women, I get a lot of requests for Jessica Alba and Eva Mendes,” explains Nassif. Jennifer Lopez, however, still remains the number one ideal. “Her nose is a little bit smaller than the typical Hispanic nose, but it still looks ethnic. It’s important to keep that aspect.” These days, many African American patients come in seeking Zoe Saldana’s nose.  Girl fro Avatar…and for Caucasian women? “Again, it’s Megan Fox

     

    1

     

     

    The most sought-after peepers have also changed in recent years. “Of course, back in the day, everyone wanted Elizabeth Taylor’s eyes,” notes Nassif. “In the ‘90s, it was Winona Ryder’s and in the 2000s, a lot of women came in asking for Salma Hayek’s.” In 2011? You guessed it: Megan Fox. 

     

    1

     

     

    Male patients come in wanting to look like their favorite star, too. “Pierce Brosnan’s facial features used to be the most popular request, and for a long time after that, it was Brad Pitt.” Now, it’s all about the Ryans, Reynolds and Gosling. “And Johnny Depp,” Nassif adds. “Men like his strong nose. They also want Bradley Cooper’s eyes.”

    1

  • Jake Kelly's top 5 texts of the week! Did your text make the cut?

    Posted by Jake Kelly

    Jake Kelly’s top 5 Texts of the week!

     1

     

    Every week I put up the top 5 texts of the week on my blog.  Texts that made me laugh or I thought were awesome!  Keep checking back your texts could be up here! 

     

    Top 5 for the Aug 12- 15

     

     

    5.  People at my gym look at me like I’m nuts while I’m running on the treadmill laughing.  Only if they knew I was listening to your show.  Thanks for making me look like a crazy lady!  8932

     

    4.  Jake!  Today, my house got broken into.  They just made a mess.  I saw a note on the kitchen table that read “There’s nothing good here.  You have sh*tty stuff.”  5697

     

    3.  Hey Jake do you know if shame burns calories, I’ll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend. 7896

     

    2.  Today, while my boyfriend and I were watching TV, I asked him if he loved me.  He turned up the volume.  1154

     

    1.  Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, “P*nis!” until he gets his way.  9612

     

    Text line is 31011 if you want to text me anything! Powered by Grand Central Station!